Sunnytoast

via Lately, my life has been full of counting. counting hours until work is over, counting bad relationship I had in the past that nothing seems last! (holly crap! love department seems so cruel and rude to me! ) counting the money I spend on things I need (and a lot of things I don’t), counting the days till my birthday. Sometimes counting calms me down, makes me feel life is like a nice warm apple pie. Divided into four equal manageable slices and inherently surprise by virtue of its crust. It has an element of entertainment in every slice. But sometimes it fills me with anxiety and dread, as if every good thing was running out of time and every bad things was rushing towards me. I wonder when I’ll stop counting.  I wonder when I’ll be able to loosen my grip on every little thing I do, and just live. I want my actions to be generous and deliberate, not hampered by second-guessing and impatience. I want to find something divine, some greater sense of liberatin...

 few of the last photos with him:( I know that I haven’t updated my blog for months. I have considered you guys as my family. I thought that I would pass this terrible news. Unfortunately, my father passed away last July 3 at the age of 59 of a brain aneurysm. We thought that he could make it through but unfortunately things took a turn for the worse. He passed around 1 am. I had never seen anyone die before. My dad went peacefully but still, it was awfully hard to watch. I had my hand on left hand the whole time. My little brother held a hand or rested his hand on his leg. His heart- he had an amazingly strong heart—stopped beating first. His breathing stopped in fits and start after that. Maybe two minutes, maybe three. Those are minutes I will never forget. My Dad is a man of few words, but he has thought me many things through his actions, which are not always big but genuine and sincere. He’d really someone that I respect and look up to. We may not spend hou...